Final Fantasy 7 Remake took a dump on my childhood

It’s always a little embarrassing to see grown-ass adults turning into large, furious babies over adaptations or remakes of their faves, as if the thing they loved was somehow destroyed in the process. I, of course, only ever have proportionate responses to things. Except apparently Final Fantasy 7 Remake, which launched on consoles last year and PC today. It broke into my home and took a big, steaming dump right on my childhood—which is surely a crime. Yes, now I’m the large, furious baby. 

Final Fantasy 7 was, for a while, the best game I’d ever played. I don’t even think it’s the best Final Fantasy these days, but it remained special for a long time—the first one I really got stuck into, and a rare JRPG I’ve actually finished. But when I think back on this treasured part of my childhood, I now only remember my exasperation from playing Remake last year and the relief I felt when I finally finished it. 

At the start of my adventure through the intimidating city of Midgar, I was spellbound. Technology had caught up with the original team’s vision, finally giving us a city that felt tangible and characters that didn’t look like they’d fallen out of a Kinder Egg. Final Fantasy 7’s backdrops look amazing, of course, but this recreation of Midgar feels alive, rather than a handsome piece of art with some goofy-looking characters stuck on top. 

(Image credit: Square Enix)

I was even happier to see characters like Jessie get their due, and everyone benefits from the new voice acting and modern animation. While the wee, blocky character models from the original do have their charms, Remake’s are far more expressive. Then there’s the Honey Bee Inn section, which now celebrates tearing down gender norms instead of making fun of Cloud putting on a dress. The boy’s a hottie and deserves respect for looking that good in a gown. 

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